UNHEALTHY REWARDS FOR DEPENDENCY

Being dependent can keep you in the protective custody of others, and give you the “little child’ benefits of not being responsible for your own behavior.

By staying dependent, you can blame your shortcomings on others.

If you are dependent on others, you don’t have to undertake the hard work and risk of change. You are secure in your reliance on other persons who will take responsibility for you.

You can feel good about yourself because you are pleasing others. You learned that the way to be good is to please Mommy, and now many symbolic “Mommies” manipulate you.

You can avoid the guilt, which you sometimes feel when you act assertively. It is easier to ‘behave” than to learn to eliminate unhealthy guilt.

You needn’t make choices for yourself. You model yourself on the parent, spouse or individual on whom you depend. So long as you think what they think, or feel what they feel, there’s no need for the hard work of determining what you think and feel.

When everything else is boiled away, it is just plain easier to be a follower than a leader. You can do what you’re told and avoid trouble, even though you may not like this way you feel as a follower. It’s still simpler than taking all those risks that go with being your own person. Dependency is distasteful because it makes you into less than a whole, independently functioning person. But it is easier, that’s for sure.