THREATS TO TELL

• Threats to tell parents she has had sex, used drugs, gone places she was not supposed to (whether she truly has or not).
• Threats to tell school/friends about her sexual experience or inexperience to damage her reputation.
• Threats to spread rumors about her to tell others she has revealed secrets they confided in her.

USING MATURITY

• Telling survivor, “If you can’t deal with this [abusive behavior] than maybe you aren’t mature enough for me/this relationship.”
• Pressuring her to do things she is not comfortable with/ready to do yet.
• Telling survivor “This is how ‘mature’ relationships are.”
• Telling survivor she needs to “grow up”, “not be such a baby”, “not to
be so sensitive” when she is hurt by his treatment of her.

SEXUAL ABUSE

• ANY unwanted, uncomfortable and/or forced sexual activity.
• Continued sexual advances or touching after being told “no.”
• Touching her/making her do sexual things in public.
• Criticizing her for her sexual experiences or lack-of.
• Trying to get her pregnant.
• Demeaning her for having had an abortion.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

• Criticizing her physical
appearance/body/weight/ clothes.
• Telling her now one else will date her.
• Telling her she’s too stupid to go to college.
• Telling her she is a slut or is frigid.
• Telling others at school bad things about her.

ECONOMIC ABUSE

• Saying they need to spend more tune together so she should quit her job.
• Buyng her lots of gifts but expecting things from her in return.

• Harassing her at her job by calling a lot or watching her under the “guise” of jealousy and/or infatuation until she gets fired.
• Borrowing money from her and not paying her back.
• Making her pay for all their dates, Expecting her to buy him lots of gifts or he’ll break up with her.

SABOTAGING ACADEMIC STATUS

• Keeping her from getting to classes on time or making her attendance -- inconsistent because of fights and the time she must spend proving her loyalty to him
• Threatening to tell teachers she has cheated on tests or has let him cheat “off her.
• Keeping her from doing homework or studying for tests.
• Using jealousy as an excuse to keep her from completing group projects.

JEALOUSY/ISOLATION/
POSSESSIVENESS

• Telling the survivor, “No one else understands me. I’ll kill myself if you break up with me.”
• Telling the survivor, “You’re so beautiful, I get jealous when you talk to other guys—I’d feel better if you quit theater club, your co-ed study groups, etc.”
• Telling the survivor, “I’ve never loved anyone as much as you. lets not go out with our friends, we should spend more time just the two of us.”
• Getting parents/family to Like him so they don’t believe the survivor when she tries to tell them about the abuse and, instead, they encourage her to stay in and work on the relationship.
• Assailant does things to interfere with and depreciate her relationship with her parents so she can’t/won’t confide in them.
• Tells the survivor, “No one understands us, it’s us against them (the adults, etc.).

INTIMIDATION

• Intimidating with looks, action and gestures.
• Using ultimatums: “Do this or I’ll break up with you.” • Driving erratically
• Drinking or using drugs
• Threatening to leave/abandon her
in dangerous/unfamiliar places.

USING MALE PRIVILEGE

• Being the one who controls the status of the relationship—saying, “now we’re not going anymore; now we are again”—ITS AWAYS HIS CALL
• Telling the survivor, “My previous girlfriends did this so you should to or I’ll go back to her.”
• Making all the decisions about where they go/what they do/who they hang out with.

PHYSICAL ABUSE

• Tickling, pinching, restraining, slapping, pushing, kicking. hitting, choking, biting, pulling hair.

USING FRIENDS

• Telling her that her friends are no
good for her as a way to isolate her
from support systems:
• He may say your friends talk
about you behind your back.
• He may say her friends are
losers, sluts, too immature, etc.
• Getting in good with her friends so
it is harder to break up with him
because he is part of the social circle
and they will tell her to stay with him.

USING PARENTS/FAMILY

• Taking her to places she is not allowed to go, making her do things she is not allowed to do so she fears he will tell her family or she can not tell her parents about an abusive incident because it occurred while she was doing something else she fears her parents will disapprove of.
• Threatening to mess up/destroy parents belongings (car, furniture, home) in order to get her to do what he wants.
• Calling and/or coming to her parents home at all hours of night until she talks to him or does what he wants.
• Threatening to hurt family and/or pets.